


What She Needs

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-18
Updated: 2009-01-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:17:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Donna's parents are killed in a car crash and Josh flies back to Wisconsin with her. This is a non-relationship challenged Josh.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

"The global gag rule...”

“Is going to be law for the second time.” I drone back. Why...I mean WHY on Earth won’t she leave me alone about this?

“A women’s right to choose...” Amy continues to argue with me and I continue to get annoyed. This is my penance for snarking the First Lady. Truly I am no match for Abigail Bartlet.

“I don’t know how many different ways to say this, Amy!” I interrupt heatedly. “The President IS NOT going to veto his own bill. He’s not. I’m not advising him to do it. And for the third time today, this is not how things are done. There are channels you need to go through here. This does not come directly to me.”

“Why?” she asks.

“What do you mean why?” I sigh.

“We have a history together, why can’t I just bring it to you? My boss is married to your boss, why can’t I just cut out the middle man and bring this stuff directly to you?”

“Because I have, like, 30 more important things to work on.”

“Like what?”

“Like stuff you don’t get to know about.” I shoot back. “I’m tired. It’s 11:30 at night. I want to go home. I want to go to bed and I’m really not in the mood to be toyed with by the East Wing tonight.”

“Toyed with?”

“Abbey’s testing you, Amy.” I say bluntly. “She’s testing us and she’s taking my temperature with our history. She’s trying to figure out how much influence you’ll have over me in that job, and I’m telling you now, it’s none.”

“You know,” Amy says, dropping her voice and taking a few steps toward me. “If you’re that tired, we could pick this conversation up at my place.”

I’m about to tell her thanks but no thanks when Donna appears in my doorway and I’m stunned by her appearance.

She’s drenched. She left here a few hours ago and obviously went home because she’s wearing flannel pajama pants and my pilfered Mets t-shirt.

She’s soaked to the bone. Her hair is plastered to her face and her clothes are clinging to her body. Tears are streaming down her face and she’s gasping for breath. She’s holding her cordless phone in her hand.

“Oh my God.” I say softly and hurry over to her. I pull her into the office and close the door, not stopping to acknowledge that Amy’s still in here. “Donna, what the hell?”

“They’re...gone...Josh.” she chokes out.

“Who’s gone?” I ask. I pry the phone out of her fingers, which immediately start to shake. “Is this your phone from home? Donna, what...did you walk all the way over here?” She nods as her breathing becomes more labored. I gently sit her down in a chair and kneel down in front of her. She’s shaking like a leaf now and I can’t tell if it’s because she’s so upset or completely saturated.

Her head falls to my shoulder as she continues to cry. Despite the fact that she’s now soaking me, as well, my arms come tightly around her. “You’re scaring the shit out of me right now, Donna.” I say and try to use my stern voice, but it comes out cracked.

I’m vaguely aware of Amy hovering a few feet away, watching the scene before her with great interest. Amy has always been overly interested in my relationship with Donna. Before she and I got together, she asked me why I wasn’t dating Donna. When we were together, she seemed to barely tolerate Donna and I could never really figure it out. Donna had never done or said anything to offend her and seemed to go out of her way to be cordial to Amy. Not that Amy was ever really out and out mean to Donna, she never had the guts to do that, but it was always there under the surface.

Donna and I aren’t the same people behind closed doors that we are out there in the bullpen for everyone to see. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing inappropriate going on...well, I suppose it would depend upon your definition of inappropriate. We’re not sleeping together. Though, God knows I wish that wasn’t the case.

The reason why my relationship with Amy failed, and why a relationship with Joey Lucas never got off the ground, is coming to pieces in my arms right now. I just didn’t realize it...or admit it anyway... until recently. Inauguration night, in case you’re in the pool.

But behind closed doors, I can say more and do more without all the suspicious looks. I can kiss her on the forehead like I do now and hold her tightly until she calms down, which she’s marginally starting to right now.

“Donna, honey, take a deep breath and tell me who’s gone.” I instruct gently.

She tries, and almost succeeds, but it’s enough for her to choke out, “My parents.”

My heart falls into my stomach.

“What?” it’s barely audible coming out of me, but she hears it.

“Oliver...called. They were in an accident and....”

“Oh no, Donna.” I whisper.

“...they’re both gone.”

She goes hysterical again and I hold her as tight as I possibly can.

“Oh my God.” Amy says next to us. I look up and her face looks stricken. Yes, it’s pretty hard not to be affected by this right now.

“Go get Leo, please.” I say simply to her. She nods and quickly leaves the office, thank God.

“When?” I ask Donna, giving her my full attention again.

“A couple...of...hours...ago.”

She starts sobbing and I pick up her face and make her meet my eyes. “You listen to me.” I instruct her. “Look at me, Donna, are you listening?” she nods jerkily. “I’m going to be with you every minute, okay? I’m going to get you through it.”

She nods and returns to my shoulder as I rub her back. My heart breaks into a million pieces, but I meant every word of what I said.

Amy returns quickly with Leo and CJ. CJ’s eyes widen when she sees the state of Donna and she disappears into her office, quickly returning with the quilt she keeps on her couch and wraps it around Donna, who barely notices.

“She has to get out of these clothes.” CJ says.

“I’m going to take her home.” I reply standing up and turning to Leo.

“When did it happen?” Leo asks.

“She said a couple of hours ago.”

“I’ll have Margaret call and get a temp up here first thing in the morning. Donna’s got tons of personal time built up.” Leo nods.

“Donna, do you want to lay down in my office for a few minutes while Josh talks to Leo?” CJ asks gently. I’m actually surprised when Donna nods and allows CJ to lead her away. But on the other hand, I’m not even sure Donna’s connecting with what’s going on around her right now.

“I’m going with her.” I say definitely to Leo.

“Josh...” he starts.

“If you say no, you’ll have my resignation on your desk in the morning.” I reply moving to my computer and opening the internet. “But I’m going with her and I’m staying with her.”

“Josh, I’m not stupid. I have eyes in my head. But the Vice President just resigned in a sex scandal. This is a bad time for you to be...”

“I’m not married, Leo.” I immediately counter. “And neither is she. Come on, Leo, since she started working for us on the campaign, have Donna and I EVER been just about the job? I owe her my life, Leo. I’m going with her.”

He holds my gaze for a long moment before he nods once and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I really didn’t want to leave my job. I would have done it, but I really didn’t want to.

I open up my Continental account and book two first class tickets for a late-morning flight to Wisconsin. I turn to my desk and start shoving things in my backpack, including my laptop and Donna’s phone.

“Josh.” Leo says, and I stop and look up at him. “If there’s anything you need...”

“Thank you.” I reply.

“And you should probably call your mother.” he tosses over his shoulder as he walks out of my office.

I zip up my backpack, throw it over my shoulder, and turn to move into CJ’s office, but Amy’s standing there.

“That goes for me, too.” she says awkwardly. “If you or her need anything...”

“Listen, I’m sorry...” I begin. How do I apologize exactly? How do I say I’m sorry she watched me act with Donna in a way I never would have considered being with her? Do I even owe her that kind of apology? “Thanks.” I say instead and disappear into CJ’s office.

TBC


	2. What She Needs

Bereavement makes people think of odd things at odd times. It’s like they have brief moments of clarity and random things pop into their head that they need to do or take care of.

“My parents’ cats.” Donna says as I finally get her off CJ’s couch and we start making our way to her office door.

“What?” I say stopping and turning to her.

“Shadrak and Michek.” she says. “Oliver’s kids are allergic to them and my lease doesn’t allow pets.”

“Okay.” I nod. “I’m sure we can take them to a shelter, or maybe one of your parents’ friends would take them.”

Wrong thing to say.

Her bottom lip starts to quiver and her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t...want...my parents’ cats...to go to...strangers.” I think she’s going to start to hyperventilate.

“Okay, okay.” I say quickly and rub her upper arms. “We’ll figure something out.”

“YOU can have cats.” she says.

“Donna, I hate cats.” I immediately protest. “And Shadrak bites.”

“He bit you because you sat on him.”

I’ve been to Donna’s parents’ house twice during the campaigns. Shadrak’s fucking mean.

“Donna...” I start to whine, but when her eyes go wide and her bottom lip sticks out and starts to tremble again, I admit I’m toast and call a spade a spade.

I’m going to be a fricking cat owner. And a mean cat owner to boot.

“CJ,” I sigh turning to her and I see Donna smile slightly out of the corner of my eye, and though I freaking detest those cats, I know it’s worth it. “While I’m gone, can you please, either yourself or you can call Matt Skinner, go to a pet shop and buy everything two cats need?”

“Are you kidding me?” she asks slowly.

“No...sadly.”

“Josh.” Donna whines a bit.

“He’s. Mean. Donna.” I reply.

“He won’t be so bad. I’ll come visit him every day.” Donna promises. See? I told you it was worth it. I turn back to CJ and she’s smiling at me.

“I’ll take care of it.” CJ smiles.

“Thank you.” I reply and I’m finally able to lead Donna out of the White House.

When we get to her apartment, she drops down on her couch. “No.” I say immediately and she looks at me surprised. “Donna, you’re soaked. You have to get changed or you’ll get sick. You also have to pack, unless you want me to pack for you and God knows what you’ll end up wearing...if anything at all.” I smirk and she arches a brow at me. “Go pack. We’ll stop at my place on the way to the airport in the morning and pack for me. I still have to book the rental car for tomorrow, and... do you want to stay at the house or a hotel?” I’ve been dreading asking her that.

“The house.” she says quietly.

“Are you sure?” I reply.

“Yeah, I’ll need to do stuff there, and there’s the cats and Oliver’s kids are allergic...”

“All right.” I nod as she stands up. I consider booking a hotel room anyway, just to have it on the ready in case she changes her mind at any given time once we’re there. It’ll be a fortune, but I don’t want her to feel like she has to stay in her parents’ house so soon either. That’s going to be tough.

When she disappears into the bedroom, I plug in my computer and fire it up. I reserve the car and fire off some emails while I give her enough time to get changed at the very least.

When I go into her bedroom, I find that she’s gotten changed, but she’s curled up in a ball on the bed, crying softly.

Screw packing. We can do it in the morning.

Instead, I climb onto the bed with her and take her in my arms.

“I’m so sorry, Donnatella.” I whisper against her ear. She clings to my shirt and cries into my chest. There are no words for the loss of one parent, much less both. She was there for me when my father died, keeping her distance and providing a comforting hug when I needed it. She didn’t have the perfect words for me either. But she did have the strength I needed, and so I try to give some of that back to her now.

She lifts her head and looks right at me. She brings her hand gently up to my cheek and strokes a few times with her thumb before she leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. When she pulls away, she smiles as her eyes start to fill up again with tears. “Thank you, Josh.” she whispers before she curls down into my chest.

I’m left staring dumbfounded into the dark bedroom.

I blink a few times to try and get my brain moving again. I look down at her, but I see she’s cried herself to sleep against me and so I don’t dare move and disturb her. But she’s never done that before. Yeah, sure, there have been pecks on the cheek or forehead. There have been many hugs and we’ve even held hands when we’ve been out at fundraisers and other stuff. I’m not sure I was ever NOT holding her hand on Inauguration Night.

But there’s been no lip action.

Did she even realize she did it? She must have. It did feel very deliberate.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I’ve just discovered that my lips are directly connected to my stomach, which is turning somersaults right now.

Now what do I do? Do I forget she did it? Do I just roll with it? I’m sure as hell not going to ask her about it.

She snakes her hand around my waist and wedges her leg in between mine. This is not a bad way to spend the night, you know?

Except I don’t know if I can give her this. If she’s looking for some empty kind of physical comfort, I don’t know if I can give her that. I mean, I’m not sure I could stop myself if she did, but that just might kill me.

It’s not like I don’t know she’s attracted to me. It’s been pretty obvious. As has my jealousy over her dating. I mean, God! At one point, I could swear she was going to date every available guy inside the Beltway just to mess with me.

At first it was all sexual tension; the innocent flirting that somehow turned a little hotter. But over time, it went deeper than that.

I stopped telling myself that Donna did the things she did because she’s a good assistant. I stopped telling myself that it wasn’t jealousy over her dating, I was just looking out for her. I started looking for the opportunity we needed. I thought I found it, too, until John Hoynes screwed me...again.

Her lips are a breath away from my neck right now and I close my eyes tightly. Talk about testing a man’s honor here. Don’t think I’m so noble. If this were any other woman, I’d be trying to figure out how to get this to work to my advantage. But this isn’t any woman, it’s THE woman and I’d never be able to look her in the eye again if I did something like that, much less myself in the mirror.

She whimpers in her sleep and I pull her closer. She settles down a little and it’s quite some time until my exhaustion takes over.

TBC


	3. What She Needs

“First class is nice.” I smile as we taxi along the runway.

“Yeah. I was gonna just book coach, but it’s cramped, and people play with their seats and try to talk to you, and I just didn’t want you to be bothered that much.”

I smile and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you.” I say before dropping my head on his shoulder. I link my right hand with his left hand and wrap my left arm around his and hug it. I sigh when he drops his head against mine. If he’s confused by my actions, while I wouldn’t blame him, he doesn’t show it.

I’ve been all over him, and I’d probably be ashamed of it if I could muster the energy to care. But he’s not pulling away either. So, he’s going with it for now.

I was surprised that he actually is coming with me. I’m surprised Leo let him. We’re going to be gone an easy two weeks. I got tons of time and, God, I don’t think Josh has taken a day off since his recovery two years ago.

I figured out a while ago though that Josh has a weakness...well, he’s got a few actually, but the one I’m talking about is Yours Truly. He doesn’t like when things aren’t right for me and when times like that come around, his protectiveness is fierce.

I used to think it was brotherly, which made me feel like an idiot for having this crush on him when he thought of me as a sister-type person, but after he was shot, I started to think that wasn’t the case. When Toby told me about the President’s M.S. and Josh flew off the handle about it, I thought there might be something more there. On Inauguration Night, I knew it for sure. I just didn’t know what he was going to do about it.

Looks like I’M the one doing something about it.

But it feels so right and since he doesn’t seem opposed to it, I think it might be nice to explore it a bit and maybe take this us thing for a bit of a test drive this week. We’ll be away from the White House, his witchy ex-girlfriend certainly won’t be lurking behind filing cabinets waiting to pounce on any reason to get Josh alone.

I was none too thrilled that Mrs. Bartlet hired Amy. I suppose it was a pretty cunning move on her part, but Amy’s...disapproval...of me has always made me feel uncomfortable. It’s because of how close Josh and I are, I know, and him coming with me must have sent smoke out of her ears. I know nothing’s going on between them, despite Amy trying to get me to think otherwise, because Josh would never let me be this clingy if it were.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“After we get to Wisconsin, will you look at all my parents’ stuff?”

“What stuff?”

“Their paperwork and stuff when I find it.”

He pauses a moment and I feel him smile. “It’s usually straightforward, but yeah, of course I will.”

“Thanks.”

“You don’t want to give it to a real lawyer?” he chuckles.

“Stop.” I smile.

“The first thing I’m going to do is check to see if the cats got bequeathed to someone other than you.”

“Joshua!”

“He’s really not very nice.”

“I think you just have to get to know him.” I pout. I don’t know why, but the thought of my parents’ cats going to some shelter where people are going to adopt them, and probably separate them, and not appreciate them, just makes me very sad. It doesn’t matter anyway, Josh already said yes... sort of.

“I’m an orphan now.”

“Stop.” he says and squeezes my hand. “Don’t think like that.”

“It’s all I CAN think about. All that runs through my head is all the great moments in life to come that they’ll never see. My dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle, they won’t meet any of my kids, my mom and I won’t fight about how I raise my kids...”

Josh picks his head up and looks at me. “Who are you marrying?” He’s smirking a little and I know he’s trying to banter me out of my funk and it kind of works.

“One day I want to get married.”

“You don’t have time to get married.” he dismisses.

“I’ll have tons of time in four years.”

“You’ll be running the campaign for the next guy with me in three.”

“Oh really?” I ask, lifting my head from its happy spot on his shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“You were going to share this plan with me when?”

“I don’t know.” he shrugs. “I just thought of it.”

“It’s fun and all, Josh, but I can’t be your assistant forever.”

“Who said anything about assistant?”

My eyes widen at his casual response. Work on a campaign with him as something other than his assistant? Has he actually been listening to me lately about the more responsibility thing?

“And I don’t think of you as my assistant anyway.” he mutters. “I haven’t for a while.” Well, this is getting interesting.

“What DO you think of me as?”

“I don’t know.” he says, looking down. “More like my partner, I guess.”

“Really?” I can’t help it. I smile widely. That just might be the nicest thing he’s ever said to me... other than when he told me I looked amazing on Inauguration Night... or when he told me if I was ever in an accident, he wouldn’t stop for a beer... or when he said we should put me on a stamp... or when he said he was glad I came back to the campaign...

“Are you going to kiss me again?” he smiles.

“I might.”

“Cuz you can, you know. I mean, I wouldn’t mind.”

He’s adorable. I don’t know why he thinks he’s bad at this kind of stuff. I think he’s great at it. Maybe it’s just me.

But since I got the green light, I lean in and kiss him again. He meets me halfway. It’s a little more than it was last night. Last night surprised even me.

It’s gentle and tentative. We are, after all, in public and still new and unsure at this. I sink into my seat a little and his hand comes up to my cheek. His tongue teases my bottom lip and I feel it in my toes, so I open my mouth a bit so we can explore a little more.

It’s not too much, it’s just right. And when he pulls away, I feel almost breathless. I’m smiling and he’s got a dreamy look on his face. I giggle a little bit in response.

“You should feel free to do that whenever you want.” he says softly.

“I should feel that freedom?”

“And you should exercise it regularly.”

“We are big proponents of freedom.” I nod.

“This is what I’m saying.”

“Kay.”

He leans forward and kisses me very lightly again and I sigh when he pulls away. I drop my head back to his shoulder and look past him out the window. I think he was right. I think he is going to get me through this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I push open the front door of Donna’s parents’ condo and pause a minute. I don’t know what I think is going to greet me here. Oliver said he’d be driving in later tonight. I hold the door open for Donna and she gets five steps into the foyer before her legs give out and she drops to the floor crying. I drag our bags in and let her have her break down for a few minutes while I walk through the house. I’m not sure what I’m checking for. I guess just to make sure everything seems all right.

It’s very empty.

Except in the living room are the flipping cats. Shadrak hisses at me. He remembers me. But Michek rubs up against my leg. He’s the gray one. He’s okay, I guess.

I move back to the foyer and pull Donna up into my arms and rub her back as she cries into my chest.

“It’s so hard, Josh! I didn’t think it was going to be this hard!”

“Sshhh...I know. Come sit on the couch with me.”

“Let’s go to a hotel.” she says quickly.

“You just need to spend some time in the space and just be here without doing anything for a little while. You just need to get adjusted. Trust me. I was the same way about my father’s office. Just come in and be surrounded by their stuff for a bit.”

She nods and I lead her through the house to the living room and we sit down on the couch, where she curls into my side.

Let me tell you something about Donna’s upbringing. She grew up in a condo. But her parents were both doctors and so she grew in a really BIG condo. It’s a luxury, high end development. The farm? Well, her grandparents used to own a farm. Her parents were how she met Dr. Freeride. Don’t get me started on that.

Her father was a Republican, which I’m sure is why she tends to date them; and her mother, a very liberal Democrat. Her mother loved me. She thought I was charming. Her father... well, he probably liked me well enough as a person, but he used to refer to me as Donna’s Little Democrat. Ain’t that nice?

Still, like any good daughter, Donna thought the world of him, despite their political differences. In case you’re wondering, Freeride’s a registered Republican. Yeah, Donna’s really rebelling against her type with me...and whatever we seem to be.

Shadrak jumps up on the couch and hisses. I’m about to swat him across the room when Donna pats her leg. “C’mere, puss.” she whispers. Shadrak must really like her because he settles down next to her and actually purrs under her fingers.

Beauty and the Beast, how fitting.

“Hey, why don’t I rustle you up some tea?”

“Don’t get up yet.” she says quickly and loops her arms around my waist.

“Okay, okay.” I quickly placate her.

We sit here for a while as the sun sets on the spring Wisconsin afternoon. I watch the minutes change to an hour. Sometimes she’s quiet; sometimes she cries. She holds onto me the entire time.

TBC


	4. What She Needs

My cell phone squeals through the quiet house and I jump around until I find where I put it down on the kitchen counter.

“Hello?” I greet quietly walking back into the living room.

“Why am I buying cat shit?” Matt demands when I answer.

“CJ pawned it off on you?” I smile.

“Something about being a gay Republican, so I should feel perfectly at home buying cat stuff.” He says. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“It’s funnier from this side of the aisle.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You can just drop it all by my place.”

“Was I supposed to get the cats, too?”

“No. They’re coming home with me.”

“And you’re in Wisconsin.”

“Yeah.”

“How is she?” he says after a pause. I look over to where Donna’s passed out on the couch. I tossed a Mickey in her tea. Don’t look at me like that. The First Lady took me through it. She gave me a bunch. She said I had to or Donna would never sleep and that’d be even worse. Not too much, but at least she’ll sleep a bit. She’s already been out for a few hours. I move away from the couch and quietly sneak out onto the patio.

“She’s a fucking wreck.” I confess once the door is safely shut and I shiver against the chill. It’s warm in D.C. already; Wisconsin not so much.

“I can imagine.”

“I don’t know why I insisted on coming with her. I have no idea what to do.”

“I think you’re doing it just by being there.” he replies. “Besides, you two are weird like that. This is the kind of shit you do. You act like a married couple, then get all freaked out about it and dive back into denial.”

“Is this...I’m sorry, I’m missing something. Is this a therapy session?”

“Do you need one?”

“I don’t think we can dive back into denial this time.”

“Oh my God.” He says. “You slept with her. Her parents die and you take her to bed!? Where are your fucking morals?”

“I DID NOT sleep with her!” I quickly protest. “Thanks for the low opinion of me though.”

“Well Josh, you’ve been in love with her for years. You’re a weak man and only human after all.”

“Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No.”

“Good because it didn’t.” I reply. “And what I meant was, she kissed me. SHE kissed ME. Twice as a matter of fact.”

“Really? Are you sure you didn’t misinterpret it?”

“Both times? No. I’m pretty sure. She’s been, like, all over me since her brother called.”

“Well...” he says. “You guys are real close. It’s been obvious forever that she’s in love with you. You guys get awfully touchy with each other when crappy things happen. Is it meant to be ignored? You guys do a lot of things that are meant to be ignored by the other.”

“I don’t think I can anymore. She’s never kissed me. That’s pretty glaring there.”

“Okay. Well, you’ve obviously got some stuff to work out there.”

“Ya think?”

“Just take it slow. Her head’s got to be a mess right now.” he says.

“SHE’S the one putting on the gas.” I reply.

“Which is why YOU should be the one to slow it down. At least you’re thinking straight.”

“Are you saying that the only reason that she’d go for me is if she wasn’t in her right mind?” I demand. I think I’m insulted here.

“No. This is Donna we’re talking about. She thinks you hung the moon. Why? I have no idea because you’re a Democrat and everyone knows she only dates Republicans. Come to think about it, maybe that’s why she dates so many Republicans. Because she could never have the Democrat she wanted.”

“This conversation is bordering on the ridiculous.” I say as I turn back to the house and see through the living room that the front door is opening. “I gotta go. I think her brother’s here.”

“Come home with your shield or on it.”

“Yeah, shut up.” I snap my phone shut and quietly hurry back inside.

Oliver is a little taller than Donna. He looks a lot like her, but he has brown hair like their father did. He also quite obviously works out. The guy could snap me in two if he wanted to. He reaches down and puts a hand gently on his sister’s head for a moment and I hang back. It’s interesting to see her brother’s interaction with her. I’ve never thought of her as anyone other than someone I could or did love. Two men who would die for the woman before them, but for a completely different kind of love.

Wow. I am really prophetic tonight.

Shadrak hisses at Oliver and swats at him. Oliver picks him up and tosses him lightly away. “Fucking cat.” he mutters and I chuckle. He turns around and smiles at me. “Sorry. I hate that cat.”

“He’s pretty mean.” I say and shake his hand.

“I was hoping I’d beat her here, so I could open the door and let him go. He’s declawed; he’d never make it.”

“Appealing,” I nod. “Because I think they’re coming home with me.” He stands there and smiles at me. “What?”

“Donna’s Little Democrat.” he chuckles.

“Shut up.” I reply. I’ve always been surprised at the ease I’ve felt in Oliver’s company. I met him both times I met Donna’s parents here, and he came to D.C. with his family last summer. I think he’s seen me and her for what we’ve really been to each other and has an odd kind of respect for our odd relationship.

“Sorry it took me so long.” He says moving to the kitchen and turning on a few more lights. I had the house almost dark so she could sleep. “I had to go by the county morgue to...identify them.”

“I’m really sorry.” I reply.

“Thanks.” he smiles lightly. “I didn’t want her to have to do it.”

“Very chivalrous of you.”

“Yeah, almost as good as adopting two cats when I’m a cat hater.” he smirks.

“She was crying and pouting.” I shoot back.

“You can do better than that.” he goads. And I merely shrug.

“Josh?” comes Donna’s voice from the couch. She sits up and squints against the light.

“In here.” I call back walking into her line of sight. “Your brother just got here.”

Donna flies off the couch and into her brother’s waiting arms. But she doesn’t cry. I don’t know if we’re making progress now or if she’s trying to be strong in the face of her brother, but all the same, I prefer the not crying to the crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wander down to the living room in the wee hours of the morning and find Josh asleep on the couch. I see my parents’ Wills spread across his chest. Oliver pulled them out for him. I smile as I move the papers off of him and sit on the edge of the couch.

I run my fingers through his hair and he doesn’t so much as twitch. He must be exhausted from dealing with me the last 24 hours. Plus, I’ve added some kissing.

“Joshua.” I whisper.

“Hmmpf?”

“Joshua, this couch is going to kill your back. Come up stairs.”

He opens his eyes and focuses on me. “I’m okay here.” he says after a moment.

“You can’t possibly be.”

“No, it’s...I’m fine.”

“Josh, I have a queen size bed in my room. Come on.” I say standing up and tugging his hand. “There’s plenty of room for you.”

He gives one more half-hearted protest, but stops when I drag him up the stairs. I close the door to the bedroom, but he stays on the other side of the room from me.

“Listen, Donna, I’m here for you. Right up until it’s time to go back to D.C., but this...” he says waving his hand between us, “...is confusing the hell out of me.”

I look at him and let out a long sigh. I guess all this kissing and touching with no explanation, while certainly for him it seems, really isn’t fair. Especially since in the real world, he’s my boss.

“I need you, Joshua.” I whisper and his eyes widen a bit. I cross the room and take his hand in mine. That intense gaze of his on me the entire way. “You’ve been amazing, and I need you. You have all this quiet strength for me right now, and I need it, but I just don’t have the energy to put up the front right now. I just don’t have the inclination to watch what I say or how long I touch you. And I don’t have the strength to hide my feelings right now. Its not fair to ask of you, I know, but I just need you so much right now and I need you as the man I love.”

He squeezes my hand and then pulls me to him. His other hand comes up to my cheek and he smiles softly. “When the woman I love needs me, I’m here for her as whatever she needs me to be.”

I smile at him and let out a breath. He smiles back for just a brief second before his lips touch mine. I sag against him and both of his arms come around my waist as I kiss him and kiss him. Since I entered his office the other night, he has been there for me one hundred percent and I can’t thank him enough for that in this moment.

“Are you sure about this?” he asks pulling away.

“Am I fired either way?” I smile linking my hands behind his neck.

“Doubtful.” He grins.

“You don’t think it’s going to affect things at work?”

“It already has.” he shrugs. “I’m standing in Wisconsin, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but...”

“But what, Donna? It has always affected things at work. Every night I kept you late so you couldn’t date, or just so you’d be there at the end of what I knew was going to be a crappy day. I’m tired of letting work be the excuse, and you obviously are, too, or you wouldn’t have started this now.”

“I am.” I confess.

“Leo knew what was going on when I told him I was going with you.” Josh continues. “He’ll figure it out and we’ll find out what it is when we get back and accept whatever it is without bitching.”

“YOU’RE not going to bitch if he transfers me?” I say incredulously. “I find that extremely implausible.”

“Okay, minimal bitching.” he relents with a shrug. I smile and pull away, climbing back into bed.

“NOW will you please get into bed?”

“Geez, I’m not a piece of meat you know.” he smirks, but sliding under the covers and gathering me into his arms. I curl into his chest, my new favorite spot.

“You mean to tell me if I made you my new boy toy, you’d refuse the job?”

“Huh...not when you put it like that.”

TBC


	5. What She Needs

Okay, so things are a little more clear to me, which is good. It’s always good to know where you stand.

Speaking of standing, I can’t believe Donna still IS. She didn’t get much sleep last night. Get your mind out of the gutter, she spent most of it crying, at least the part that I was up there for. The house has been a constant revolving door of guests. Neighbors linger for a bit then leave, family’s been here all day, close friends the same.

Everyone is just so ecstatic to see Donna. She hasn’t been home in over a year. She took a long weekend two Thanksgivings ago, but with everything that was going on, she wasn’t able to get away. She tried to take some time off during the hearings, but she got subpoenaed for the time she had off. We came by when we were out here for the campaign, but we were only here for an afternoon.

Of course, they’re all gushing over her and how she works in the White House. She introduces me as her boyfriend, which sounds nice and made Oliver choke the first time he heard it.

“I can’t believe dad missed THAT one.” he muttered, which was a little amusing, but sobering mostly.

To the people that have actually asked what I do, we’ve answered honestly. People seem more impressed than making any connection between Donna’s job and mine.

However, just as the house was at its fullest, the President stole the show when a caterer showed up at the house. Donna was crying when I put she and her brother on the phone with the President. Donna adores the President. She’d be blubbering all over him if he was standing in the room right now.

The general consensus was whether they voted for him or not, it was an extremely kind gesture, especially when he said that not only would he and Abbey keep Donna and her brother in their prayers, which really means something to Donna considering she knows they’ll actually do it and they weren’t just saying that, but that they’d have Donna’s parents included in the Cardinal’s next mass. This speaks volumes in the President’s world.

“That was probably the most surreal moment of my life.” Oliver said in awe as he hung up the phone extension he was on.

“Welcome to my world.” I reply.

“Yeah, but you talk to him every day.”

“Yeah. But it doesn’t change that feeling.”

“Josh is usually getting yelled at anyway.” Donna smiles, sliding up to my side and winding her arms around my waist.

“That is patently untrue.” I defend, but she simply arches a brow at me. “There’s some times when I’m not. At least I’m allowed to be in his line of sight during a speech. Toby’s been banned all together!”

“Donna?” an older woman who looks a lot like Donna and I think is Aunt Carol interrupts. Donna and Oliver turn to their aunt. “What are you doing with the cats? Isn’t Jenny allergic?”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about them, Aunt Carol, Josh is taking them back to Washington.” Oliver pipes up and I level my glare on Oliver. Oliver isn’t as scared of it as he should be.

“Oh, okay.” Aunt Carol says. “I was going to offer to take them, but if you’ve got it handled....” Oliver chuckles and walks away. He sucks.

“Oh, thank you for offering, Aunt Carol.” Donna smiles kindly. “But I really want them with me. My lease doesn’t allow pets, but Josh’s does.”

“Are you sure, honey? It’s no trouble. You won’t have to take them on the plane.”

Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

“Thank you anyway. I don’t know. My parents loved those cats, and I just feel like I’ve got a piece of them with me.”

Well shit.

“Okay, sweetie.” Aunt Carol nods, pats Donna’s hand and then walks away.

“See?” Donna smiles triumphantly. “Aunt Carol likes them. Shadrak can’t be that bad.”

“You know, Oliver doesn’t like him either.” I point out.

“Is it really too much trouble, Josh?” she asks. Her eyes go all wide eyed. I hate this look. I agree to ridiculous things when she looks at me like this. I gave her a job, I wrote a memo to the President about a teacher, I step in front of Leo’s wrath for this face and bitch out Toby for overstepping his boundaries and telling her about the M.S. This is a dangerous face.

“No.” I say of course. “Not as long as you spend plenty of time at my place to keep him honest.”

“Kay.” she smiles and kisses me. How can that not be worth it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do I even want to know what all that says?” I ask Josh gesturing to my parents paperwork spread out in front of him at the dining room table.

“It’s typical stuff.” he shrugs. “You and Oliver liquidate and split everything.”

“Who’s the executor?”

“Oliver. That makes sense, Donna. It all has to be probated here and you’re in D.C.” he says gently and I just shrug. “Here’s the thing though.”

“The thing?”

“You’ve got something here that Oliver doesn’t.”

“Do you think it’ll be a problem?” I ask apprehensively. I don’t want Oliver to feel slighted or get upset with me over something my parents did.

“No.” Josh smiles. “I’m not even sure how you’re going to take this.”

“This doesn’t sound good at all.”

“It’s not like that.” he smiles. “Your parents have set up an education trust for you.”

“What?”

“They put quite a significant amount of money into a trust for you, should you want it, to finish school, and it’ll also support you so you don’t have to work.”

My jaw drops and I slide the paperwork my way to look at it, though I’m not really sure what I’m looking at.

“Oh my God.” I breath. “I had no idea.”

“Yup. It’s there.”

“What if I don’t take it?”

“It gets split between you and your brother.”

“I gotta be honest, I never really thought about going back to school.” I confess. “I mean, after I broke up with Michael, I knew I could move back in here and do it, but I just wanted a change and so I left for New Hampshire.” Josh looks quite interested in what I’m saying right now. We don’t talk too much about all that. Just mentioning Dr. Freeride usually makes him raise his voice. “Then when I was put on salary on the campaign and hired for the White House, I never thought about it again. I’m just constantly learning in that job that I never really thought I’d need it.”

“You don’t have to.” he says.

“I know.” I look down at the paperwork and think that there are an awful lot of possibilities at my fingertips right now.

“You also don’t need to decide anything now.” he says. “Or even next month, if you don’t want to. You should take your time.”

“Well, what do you think?” I hedged and he definitely looks thrown that I asked him. My heart goes out to him at the moment. Amy and Mandy never asked his opinion. They just went ahead and did whatever they wanted. In fact, Amy did just the opposite of anything she knew he’d approve of. I’m not saying me woman I live in submission of my man here, but I do value his opinion.

“Education’s the silver bullet.” he shrugs and I smile as he quotes Sam. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to learn more, Donna. Charlie’s going back to school, too. It’s all positives. On the flip side...”

“You work really long hours and I’d never see you.”

He raises his eyebrows at my answer before he continues “On the flip side, I’ve never seen your lack of a degree as a deterrent. You’re one of the smartest people I know and you absorb information like a sponge.”

“But you don’t deny the never getting to see each other point.”

“You’ll be dictating your class schedule, right? I’m sure you’ll pop by often.”

“You work late.” I frown.

“Because you’re there.” he smiles and I smile back. “I’m in no rush to go home.”

“Really?” I smile.

“Well, `cept now I have to get home to feed my cats.”

“Josh!” I groan with an eye roll.

“I don’t think the tough question is will you or won’t you, it’s what the hell are you going to major in.” he snarks.

“Hey!”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” he laughs. He’s joking, but he’s right. My current plan was to just work with him until the President was out of office and then explore my options. I just like being with him so much I never really thought about doing something different.

“Do you think I’d be good on t.v.?” I ask suddenly.

“As?”

“Chris Matthews looks like he has a lot of fun.” I shrug. “I think I could do something like that.”

“I’d much rather get my ass handed to me by someone like you instead of Chris Matthews.”

“Are you taking me seriously?”

“I’ve always taken you extremely seriously.” He replies. “I think you should take the time to think it through. I don’t think you need to make any decisions right now, but ambition is good, Donna.”

“Ambition is a good servant, but a bad master.” I quote softly.

“For some.” he agrees. “Not for you.”

I shrug and look down at the trust before me. It’s true that I hadn’t given much thought to going back to school...at least until I met Amy and she seemed to disapprove of my very existence, like I wasn’t a real woman or I was holding the women’s movement back.

“Do you think my parents found me lacking?” I ask Josh suddenly.

“What!?” he looks stunned.

“Because I didn’t finish school and they felt the need to set this up.” I explain. “They were really disappointed when I dropped out.”

“And exceedingly proud that you work for the President of the United States.” he counters.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I know there are others who don’t see me as much...”

“Who?” he demands.

“Doesn’t really matter.”

“It does to me.”

“I just see the things you guys do every day and know I can make a bigger difference.”

“You do.” he whispers simply. “Donna, Toby, CJ, Sam and I TOGETHER couldn’t stop a Senate filibuster. You may not know it, but YOU blocked the land use rider to the banking bill a few years ago. You got me and Toby out of Indiana. I don’t always come through for the President, he doesn’t always listen to me. As far as this trust is concerned, I think it upset your parents to see what Freeride did to you and they reacted in typical parent fashion. It’s an act of parenthood, Donna, not of lack of faith. They were proud of you...just like I am.”

“Really?”

“Ridiculously.”

My smile turns into a yawn and he stands up and tugs me out of my seat. I smile at him and look at him through tired eyes, but he looks back at me seriously. “I’ve always been proud of you, Donna.” he says quietly. “Okay?” I nod and he seals his statement with a kiss. I am so incredibly glad he came.

TBC


	6. What She Needs

Donna spent the entirety of the funeral service crying in my shoulder as I rubbed small circles on her back. She was okay for the wake, but the funeral completely got to her.

Not that I can blame her.

Her parents knew a lot of people, too. The church was packed. The cars stretched for blocks. I guess not only a lot of their colleagues in the medical community came, but a lot of their regular patients, staff, so on and so on and so on. Donna’s parents were real good people. They’d have to be to have produced and raised a daughter as incredible as Donna.

Oliver kept it together, thank God. He took care of everything. Between him standing in front of us and me keeping her mostly turned away, it was a pretty clear ‘don’t bug Donna right now’ sign.

Once we got back to the house for the repasse though, she had it together a little better and that’s to say she wasn’t crying. I have tell you. I’m not real sure how to handle a Donna that’s not in control. She’s made no decisions since her brother first called her to break the news.

Now granted, I just took it upon myself to book the plane tickets and car and all that. She was in no kind of head space for that. But all the funeral arrangements and all that, was all Oliver. The legal stuff has been all me and Oliver.

This is the woman who completely runs my life here...

...sitting on the couch and staring out the window as the people mill about around her.

I’ve watched her for a few minutes now from across the house. People have gone up to her and she’s politely smiled in return. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but I can tell by her body language, she’s shutting the conversations down quickly.

Don’t get me wrong. She just lost her parents and she’s certainly entitled to grieve however she feels she needs to. I’m just not used to seeing her like this.

A man walks over to her and she seems extremely surprised when she looks up at him. He leans down and kisses her cheek and she stiffens up. Her eyes begin to search the room.

“Ooohhh God.” Oliver says coming up next to me. “One of us needs to go get in there.”

“Why? Who is that?”

“That’s your Dr. Freeride, my friend.” Oliver gestures over to Donna and Dr. Freeride.

I’m in motion as soon as it’s out of his mouth. Dr. Freeride is just sitting down next to Donna on the couch when I get over there. Relief is painfully evident on her face when she sees me. She also looks a little wary.

I don’t blame her. I’ve been dying to meet this guy and she knows it. And while I’ve got plenty to say to him, unfortunately, this is definitely not the place.

Believe me when I tell you that that is causing me endless disappointment.

“Hey.” I say to her instead, not looking over at Freeride. “I need you.” I hold my hand down to her and she politely excuses us from Freeride. I pull her off the couch and discreetly weave her through the throngs of people and upstairs to her bedroom.

When we’re inside, I close the door and she looks at me expectantly.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“Nothing.” I shrug. “You just look like you could use some time to yourself is all.”

She smiles and sits down on the bed. “Am I that obvious?”

“Probably not to others, but...”

“But I am to you?”

“Well, I think I’ve learned to read you pretty well by now.” I say. I shrug out of my suit jacket and slide my tie off before I sit down next to her.

“Are you going to stay with me?”

“I was going to get changed and head back down there for you, but if you need me here, I’ll stay.”

She smiles slowly. “You want to go down and talk to Michael.”

“Well, of course!” I fess up. I mean, it’s fruitless to try to get that lie by her. “But, Donna, it’s not near as important to me as your well being is and I’d much rather be with you.”

She smiles, finding my answer acceptable...phew!...and kicks off her shoes before laying down.

“Do you want to get changed?” I ask.

“Don’t have the energy.” she mumbles, closing her eyes.

She’s probably exhausted. All that crying’s got to be pretty draining. I sit down next to her and stroke her hair. It takes about ten minutes before I’m sure she’s asleep. I quickly change into khakis and a sweater and shut off the bedroom light and switch on the bathroom light so she doesn’t wake up in the dark. I pause and look at her before I open the door. If she’s still asleep in an hour, I’ll change her out of those clothes. I pull the door tightly behind me and head back downstairs.

Oliver’s talking to Freeride and he looks like he could stab his eyes out with his fork that he’s holding with his plate of food. He smirks a bit when he sees me and I head over.

“Donna okay?” Oliver makes sure to ask right in front of the King of Gomers. “I saw you sneak off with her.”

“She’s...” I slide a glance over at Freeride. Screw it. “...well, she’s a mess. She’s sleeping right now. It’s really taking a lot out of her.”

“Yeah.” Oliver says quietly. “She’s taking it a little harder than I expected.”

“She’ll be all right.” I nod. “She just needs to absorb it all. I’ll go up and check on her in a bit.”

“You’re Josh Lyman.” Michael nods to me and sticks his hand out, which I reluctantly shake.

“Yes, I am. Doctor...” Donna’s never told me his whole name.

“Davis. Michael Davis.”

“Yes.” I say.

“I see you on Hardball a lot.”

“I’m on a lot of shows.”

“You take a lot of punches for the President.”

“I throw a lot of punches for the President, too.” I counter. This guy’s not seriously going here, is he?

“I find the President’s position on stem cell research and abortion very intriguing.”

Oh look...and it’s not even my birthday...

“What’s so intriguing about it? He’s for both.”

“He’s Catholic.”

“He’s also a highly educated man and married to a scientist.”

“The Catholic Church forbids abortion.”

“The United States doesn’t.”

“I just don’t know how he reconciles that with his faith is all.”

“Wait a minute...I know this one...” I snap my fingers a few times and Oliver smiles widely. “That’s right! He doesn’t have to! It’s that crazy First Amendment again! Damn, that one just keeps screwing us, what with it’s free speech and separation of church and state!”

“You’re just like you are on t.v.” Freeride smiles.

“I’m actually far nicer on t.v.” I toss back.

“You’re the one Donna works for?”

“I’ve never seen any evidence of the fact that she’s actually supposed to work for me, but yes. She’s my senior assistant.”

“Her parents used to talk about her all the time, how she was doing, what she was working on, where she went with the President. She must be pretty good at her job.”

“Good at her job? Donna wrote the book on that job. Everyone on the senior staff and not a few Congressmen and Senators have tried to steal her from me. One dot-com guy even almost succeeded. But, you know, she loves me best.” I smile widely for Freeride, who just at that moment is called away by someone close by. I think it’s more doctors. Good riddance.

“That was awesome.” Oliver’s wife chuckles walking over.

“I was trying to avoid getting into it with him here.”

“There was no way that was going to happen.” Oliver shakes his head. “He’s a sore loser, there was no way he wasn’t going to try to get into it with you.

“I think I’m going to go check on Donna.” I say motioning to the stairs.

“You just got back down here.” Oliver reminds me with an amused look on his face.

I’m busted so I just smile and shrug and head back upstairs, where she’s not surprisingly still asleep. After a little back and forth in my head, I decide to get her changed out of that suit.

Here’s my problem: In case you haven’t noticed, and believe me I have, Donna and I haven’t seen each other naked yet. I didn’t really think about this when I started to take her clothes off. I just thought she’d be uncomfortable sleeping in that and pulled out her pajamas. Now, instead of feeling like a nice guy over my thoughtful gesture, I feel like some kind of pervert. I mean, it’s too late now, but...

Damn, I knew she’d have a nice body.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Once she’s dressed again, I tuck her in under the covers and stretch out next to her. I can’t very well go back down stairs with this anatomical situation festering here. She curls into my side and drops her head on my shoulder. Reflexively, I turn and kiss her forehead.

The dull chatter downstairs occasionally drifts up, but everyone seems to be getting by just fine without Donna and if they’re weren’t...well, that’s just too bad. Unfortunately for them, their well being is of no big concern to me and there’s only so many times you can hear that “sorry for your loss” line and politely laugh at whatever unfunny story they tell you about your parent that they thought was hysterical. There’s only so many times you’ll agree that they are in a better place now, which you know that’s crap because you’re their child and they’re supposed to be here with you. After all, you were the one that brought them so much joy, right? They were their happiest around you, right?

It didn’t work for me and it’s obvious tonight that it’s not working for Donna, so I’ll hide her away for a while until the crowd thins out.

TBC


	7. What She Needs

“Donna? Baby, what are you doing in here? It’s 2:30 in the morning.”

“Look.” I smile holding up my hand. “My mom saved the macaroni necklace I made for her in first grade.”

He smiles lightly as he walks into my parents’ bedroom and takes the necklace from my fingers. “My mom still has hers.”

“Really?” I grin. “What color was your macaroni?”

“It was green. I made a box for it and everything.”

“When Jenny made one for my sister in law, my mom said there weren’t many other moments that topped a mom getting her first macaroni necklace.” He hands it back to me and I roll it around in my fingers before dropping it back into the jewelry box.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

I shrug and run my finger along the dresser. “I’ve been avoiding this room, but it’s what’s next.” I confess quietly. Most of it can be boxed up and sent to Good Will, but there’s jewelry...”

“Yeah.”

“So, the weirdest thing happened.” I say after a moment. He looks over at me at my sudden change of tone. “I woke up in different clothes than I went to sleep in.”

Josh actually blushes and looks down. I love when I get reminders that he can be absolutely adorable. Normally we’re at work and there, he’s usually absolutely infuriating. The adorable moments are few and far between there.

“Okay, here’s what happened with that...”

“There’s a story to it?”

“Well, I don’t want you think I’m some kind of pervert!”

“Josh!”I laugh. “Why would I think that?”

“Well, I’ve tossed quite a few racy innuendos at you over the years.”

“Yes, you have.”

“So, I want you to know that this was on the up and up.”

“Okay.” I nod still smiling. I didn’t think anything made Josh blush.

“I was going to just go ahead and let you stay in your suit until you woke up on your own, but I thought maybe you’d sleep longer if you were more comfortable. So, it never even occurred to me not to because... I mean, with all the kissing and the love declarations, I just never considered that it might make you uncomfortable or something. But once your clothes were off, and you really do have an amazing body, Donnatella, that’s when it occurred to me that maybe it wasn’t really appropriate. But it was clearly too late by then.”

“Clearly.” I nod my head and laugh.

“Are you pissed?” he winces.

“Do I look pissed?”

“No, but sometimes you can be deceiving.”

I take his face in both my hands and plant one on him. “I’m just giving you a hard time, Josh. I did hope that all the kissing was eventually going to lead to nakedness.”

“Well, sure, but conscious nakedness is much more preferable.”

“Much.”

I tug on his hands and lead him back out of my parents’ room and into mine where I lock my arms around his neck. “Thank you so much for coming with me, Josh.” I whisper. “Really. You’ve been amazing, and you always know how to make me smile again.”

“I don’t like when you’re not smiling. It’s at odds with my universe.”

“That was just so thoughtful of you and just so adorably you.”

“Thoughtful? You always accuse me of being self-absorbed.”

“Well, at the White House, sure. But you’re different outside the White House.”

“Don’t let that get around or my past girlfriends might form a lynch mob.”

“I know I’ve been a basketcase...”

“You’re entitled, Donna.”

“But I don’t think that should allow me to just not take part in anything. I think that makes things harder on my brother, and that’s not fair, and harder on you...”

“Your brother’s been fine, Donna.” He assures me. “I’ll grant you that I’m not used to you not being in charge. But Donna, I like that you need me too. It’s always me needing you for everything and I like taking care of you and I also like that you’re letting me. Because I could be good at it, Donna.”

“You already are.”

He smiles and brushes some hair out of my face before kissing my forehead and on impulse, I hug him. I love hugging Josh. I love how everything seems okay when his arms are around me.

“You’re going to laugh at me, but besides all the kissing, do you know what I love most about you being out here with me?”

“What?” he says against my ear.

“I just like hearing you move around the house. I like that you’re around me...just there when I need you.”

He pulls away smiling. “It’s nice, isn’t it? I have that feeling every day at work.”

“Yeah?”

“At first, I keep saying to myself, `Josh, you idiot, she’s paid to be out there.’But then after Rosslyn, I thought `She’s not paid for this.’ And over the years...well, you don’t have to be there until I leave, yet you are. Making sure I don’t fall asleep at my desk isn’t your job...”

“Testing your food isn’t my job either.” I throw in and he chuckles.

“But I agree, it’s a nice feeling. We should orbit each other outside the office more often.”

“Well, I did promise to come over every day to make sure Shadrak isn’t giving you too much trouble.” I smile.

“That could be pretty tiring though, bouncing between the White House, your place, my place...” He’s still smiling, but his eyes and his voice have gotten a little more serious.

“I’m used to high demands.” I shrug casually.

“Or you could bring a bunch of stuff over to my place to leave there, that way you don’t have to bounce around so much.” he suggests.

“I don’t know about that.” I play along. “Your last girlfriend tried to do that and you imploded over it. I thought your head was going to spin off or you were going to catch on fire or something.”

He loses his smile entirely and looks at me intensely. “She wasn’t you.”

My breath hitches and I lose my smile too. “I’m different?”

“Very.” he nods.

I smile brightly and kiss him...then I hug him...because this is big for Josh. Both Mandy and Amy wanted to move in with him and he practically broke out in a rash over it. I already have a key to his place and he’s got a key to mine. It just happened that way over the years.

He kisses me...and kisses me some more, and walks me backwards until we tumble back onto the bed together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This thing with Donna is very serious. We’re going, like, zero to 80 and I’m okay with that. I guess because we’ve done all the other stuff. We’ve worked so closely together over the last five years that I know that yellow is her favorite color, but she never wears it because she doesn’t like the way it looks on her. I know that her favorite movie is Breakfast at Tiffanys and she’s scared of the dark. I know that she’ll tell me that her favorite book is Inherit the Wind, but it’s really some sappy Nicholas Sparks book that I can’t remember the title to because it makes her bawl her eyes out every time she reads it.

I know that late at night on Air Force One, she pretends to fall asleep on my shoulder and I’m willing to bet that she knows I know she’s faking, but I let her do it anyway because I like it.

I know that every year she looks forward to my Christmas present the most.

So why do we need to date? Don’t get me wrong, when we get back to Washington D.C., I’m going to take her to all the places I’ve been dying to take her as my girlfriend. And then when I’m done with those places, I’m going to take her to the places where we go all the time, but I’ve never taken her there as my girlfriend. I’m thinking one visit to the Hawk and Dove will take care of advising Capital Hill of her new officially off the market status.

I like having the leverage finally to get her to move out of that crappy neighborhood. I hate when she goes home late at night to that neighborhood. I always make her call me. She doesn’t know it, but once I actually followed her home to make sure she got home okay. I think she probably knew, but she let me do it anyway. Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t live in the worst neighborhood in D.C., but she doesn’t live far from it.

But I like that she’s going to be at my place at lot more...or at least that’s she’s planning to. I do plan on just all out moving her in. From her reaction here, I think she’s going to agree to that...especially given the way she’s currently pulling my t-shirt over my head and kissing my neck.

It’s possible this is one of the most surreal moments of my life right now, me and Donna like this. But it’s just as good as I’ve imagined it to be. And seeing her without clothes is much better when she’s a willing participant.

And that really just made me sound like a pervert.

“Donna...” I say as she kisses around my neck. “...we can wait on this, if you want...”

“Joshua, does it look like I’m interested in waiting?”

“Um...no.”

“Then let’s assume I’m fine with the way things are progressing.”

I pull up just out of her reach and look down at her. “I just don’t want you to have any regrets, Donna.”

“I have not had, nor do I think I ever would have any regrets where you’re concerned, Joshua, especially any moment like this.”

I couldn’t agree more.

TBC


	8. What She Needs

“Oh. My. God.” I say when I open the front door. “Mom!”

“Don’t look so shocked, Joshua.” My mother chides sweeping past me into the house.

“Well, what are you doing here?” I’m stunned. I mean, I really shouldn’t be because my mother adores Donna, but I didn’t think she liked her this much.

“I thought Donna could do with a mother’s hug.” My mother shrugs. I love my mom.

“She could.” I reply.

“Sara!” Donna’s as surprised as I was when she enters the foyer.

“Oh, honey!” My mother coos and walks over to Donna with her arms open. My mother, of course, was right. Donna latches right on. “I didn’t want to come sooner and get in the way. But I figured you could definitely use some help now.”

“I can.” Donna whispers into her shoulder. When she finally pulls away, they’ve both got tears in their eyes. I walk up behind Donna and rub her arms and she leans back against me.

“Well, this is something I didn’t know.” my mother says waving her fingers at us. I respond by wrapping my arms totally around Donna and resting my chin on her shoulder.

“You’re surprised?” I ask.

“Not, not particularly. Not after the way you’ve been mooning over the poor girl for the last five years.” my mother says shrugging out of her coat.

“Mother!” I yelp and Donna chuckles.

“It’s okay.” Donna says, turning her head back and kissing me on the cheek. “It’s nice to know I wasn’t alone.”

I release her to my mother’s capable hands and watch as Donna leads her away to show her the house.

“Cats!?” I hear my mother exclaim from upstairs. “Oh dear Lord, Joshua hates cats.”

I smile and sit back down at the table to continue the project of going through all the paperwork.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I have to say, dear,” Sara starts. “I was surprised to hear that Josh came with you.”

I look up from the clipboard I’m holding. At the moment, we’re sort of going room by room and making an inventory of everything, so Oliver and I can go through and pick out what we want to keep and decide what we’ll donate or put up on Ebay.

“I was, too.” I confess. “Once I was actually able to acknowledge what he’d done.”

“And he’s been...helpful?”

“Incredibly, actually. I don’t know how I would have gotten through any if it without him.” I say and Sara looks....shocked. “He took care of all the travel arrangements, rental car, between him and my brother, they did all the funeral arrangements. He’s gone through all my parents’ estate planning documents and now he’s working through their benefits to see if there are insurance policies in there. Not to mention, he’s just been a rock. He just seems to know exactly what I need.”

Sara smiles at me. It’s a knowing wise kind of smile. “It’s because he loves you, Donna.” she says. “And you love him and that makes the difference.”

I blush and look down at my clipboard. It still feels surreal to me. And Sara is the first person from outside this little Wisconsin world that I’ve talked about Josh with in this way. Returning to the White House is going to be quite the enlightening experience, I think.

“What I find most interesting is that he’s taking the cats.” Sara say, sliding a glance at me.

“Well, in his defense, he agreed to that under stressful circumstances. Quite frankly, I was crying and practically hyperventilating. He probably would have agreed to just about anything to get me to calm down.”

“Probably.” Sara nods.

I turn around, mainly to get away from the look she’s giving me. It’s like she’s studying me or she knows something I don’t. It’s a little unnerving at the moment. As I turn to the entertainment center in the living room, I face to face with the last family picture we had taken. It was from my first Thanksgiving our first year in office, before Oliver was married, so it’s just the four of us.

I’ve seen this picture hundreds of times and it’s been in here since we got here a few days ago. But I hadn’t stopped to really look at it. I have the same picture in my apartment, but it’s so different now. My breath hitches and I let out a small hiccup. I don’t even notice that my hands start shaking until I feel Josh take the pen and clipboard away and toss them on the coffee table.

“Hey.” he says softly in my ear from behind. He wraps his arms around me and entwines his fingers with mine. “What do you say we go take a walk?” 

“There’s so much to do...” I haphazardly protest.

“Let’s take a walk.” he says again tugging me away. Sara arches a brow. She’s wondering who this masked man is, I’m sure, but it’s Josh. My Josh, who is vastly different from everyone else’s Josh.

“It’s fine, dear.” she nods at me. “I’ll finish this room up.”

Josh tosses me my windbreaker and we head outside. The fresh air feels great and I inhale deeply, as Josh takes my hand and we walk out onto the sidewalk.

“This was a good idea.” I smile at him when we’re a few blocks away.

“It looked like you could use it.”

“Did you find any more in all that paperwork?”

“They had more insurance policies.” he nods. “Accidental death insurance.”

“Wouldn’t that have to have been while they were working?”

“No, just while they were employed.”

“You’re thinking we should sue the other driver.” I say.

“I don’t know.” he confesses. “You certainly can. I’ll talk to your parents’ lawyer and see what they say. If he thinks you should, I’ll bring it all to you and you and Oliver can make a decision.”

I let out a shuddered breath and nod. I’m not actually interested in the money, but I do think the jerk should see what he did to our family. He was drunk. It’s not like he hit ice or something.

“What’s going to happen when we get back to the White House?” I finally ask.

“What do you mean?”

“Me and you.”

“We’re using vacation time, Donna. I don’t understand.”

“You and I weren’t a couple when we left.” I point out.

“Oh.” He says softly. “I don’t think it will be that big of a deal.”

“It’s not going to be a problem for you?”

“I don’t care.” he laughs.

“Josh.”

“Donna, in what universe do you think I can’t handle bad press?”

“So you do think there will be bad press?”

“I have no idea.” he says. “I don’t know why anyone would care who I go out with. But if there is, I’m saying I can handle it.”

“Can you handle what they’re going to say about me?”

“Knock it off.” he immediately replies.

“Can you, Josh?” I ask again.

He stops walking and looks right at me. It’s an intense look and I’m surprised I shiver down my spine at the seriousness that’s suddenly come over him. “Yes.” he says simply.

In that moment, all my fears regarding that issue are gone. It’s not that I don’t think some nasty thing are going to be written about us, but in that one word, I know Josh will take care of it and I don’t have to worry. And despite the tax fraud debacle or the secret plan to fight inflation, I still have confidence in his ability to take someone out at the knees over that.

First of all, he’s four years more experienced with the press now. Secondly, it’s personal. And it’s me. And I may have a bit of a reputation around the White House for being naive, but I have ears and so I know what people think when they look at me and Josh, what they think we’re doing when we close the door, or when we leave together.

But I also know that they’ve never said anything to me about it because of Josh’s unrestrained temper in that department, so I’m thinking of just staying the course there. It’s worked for me so far.

“Do you think my parents would have been disappointed if I didn’t use that money to go to college and I just let it get split up?” I ask changing the subject.

“Donna!” he laughs. “They’re your parents; they wanted you to enjoy your life. You can do that and not go to college. They just wanted you to be happy.”

“I’m happy working with you.”

“I’m not kicking you out of your job.”

“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

“Well, I don’t want you to disappoint you.” he tosses back. “You’ve done that before, Donna. You did what you thought someone else wanted you to do and you got burned in the end.”

He’s right. I’ve been there and done that and I felt so smothered that I was screaming inside. I felt like I was going to explode and when I finally did, I went to New Hampshire.

“Would you be disappointed?” I hedge.

“Donna, baby, it doesn’t matter what I think. It matters how you think and how you’ll feel about yourself.”

“It matters to me.” I say softly.

He stops and looks at me again. “I’m crazy about you, Donnatella, I always have been. You’ve got this light in you that just shoots out and gets all over me whenever I’m around you and I love that. I love that no matter what my mood, you can put a smile on my face. I love that when I see you, I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to say to me. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve discovered while I was in a meeting and I can’t wait to hear what battle for the little guy you’ll bring me next. Dr. Freeride screwed you over, and I love that you turned that around to be the most amazing opportunity of your life. None of that is going to change with whether or not you go back to school. You’re perfect, Donna, and I don’t care what is or isn’t hanging on your wall.”

Wow.

He can be so damn eloquent when he wants to be. I tug his hand and we’re in each other’s arms kissing there on the side of the street.

I love the things he says to me now. I love that he means them. I love that I just got lectured in the most amazing and loving way. How does he do that?

TBC


	9. What She Needs

“All right.” I say walking into the living room. “What...the hell is all this, Donnatella?” I’m stunned by the pile of boxes there with her name on it.

“Everything I’m taking back with me.” she shrugs and my jaw falls open. My mother chuckles.

“Is there going to be furniture, too?”

“No.” she sighs. “I really don’t know where I would fit any of it.”

“What did you want?” I instantly ask in return.

“Hmm?”

“What furniture would you take if you had the room?”

“Oh, well I’ve always liked that rocking chair in the corner. It’s an antique and it’s pretty comfortable.” she says pointing to a black wooden rocking chair that I’ve basically lived in this week because it’s like it was sculpted just for me. That’s definitely going to Washington.

“I can fit that in my place.” I nod. Yes! “What else did you want?”

“Josh!” She laughs. “How are we going to get it back?”

“We are obviously driving back at this point.” I reply sweeping my hand at her box fort over here. “It’s ridiculous to pay for shipping all this, and if you want furniture, we’ll get a truck. I have a storage room in my building’s basement that’s near empty. What else did you want?”

“Really?” she smiles at me.

“Yes.” I nod. “I mean, as long as you don’t want too much, we’re good.”

“I don’t. I just discovered earlier that the dresser and crib that I had as a baby is up in the attic. I kind of thought maybe I could take that.” It’s so quiet I barely even heard it.

“Well, the crib would be in pieces, so I’m sure that would fit just fine, too.” I reply lightly.

An odd sound comes from my mother. Donna and I look over at her and she’s waving a hand in her face. She’s obviously trying to keep herself in check and I roll my eyes. “I’m just going... I think I’ll...you two just...” My mother sputters leaving the room.

I look over at Donna and she’s blushing. I chuckle and walk over to her, wrapping my arms around her tightly. Though that is definitely the direction I want us to go in, that’s not a conversation we’re remotely ready to have. Donna saying she wants that stuff and me saying I can fit it is enough of an acknowledgment that we both want the same thing down the road.

She sags into me and kisses my neck. Her right hand makes little circles on my side and I stifle a groan.

“Donna,” I growl into her ear.

“Hmmm?” Yeah, she’s not near as coy as she’s trying to sound.

“If you’re going to do that, we need to relocate this activity.”

“You don’t think your mom is going to wonder if we’re heading off to make a baby for that crib?” She giggles against my throat.

“Did you see her run from the room? She knows better than to make that kind of comment.” I counter.

“I think I’m up for a break.” she smiles at me.

I grin. Throw a covert look around the room for my mother and then quickly tug Donna upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So that was an odd moment for Josh and I. Of course, this entire week has been out of the ordinary for Josh and I, though I suppose not anymore, but that whole crib thing didn’t send his brain flipping off into space. 

Granted, him talking about me more or less living at his place is a big deal, but a baby? That’s the kind of thing that makes a guy like Josh shut down. On the other hand, I did not say anything to allude to the fact that I wanted to have a baby with him, though....well duh! Of course I have him in mind as the father of my eventual kids, but he got the idea. His mother...well, we’re never going to hear the end of that.

But we seem to have this mutual understanding now that yes we want kids, but we’re in no rush. I guess I was just kind of forced to think about it at the moment when faced with the disposal of something that I just always thought I’d have for my kids, i.e., that furniture. I just operated under the assumption that when the time came, I’d get it all from my parents, but that’s not an option anymore.

There were other things I pilfered for my eventual kids, too. A lot of the jewelry, my mother’s china. Since we’re driving back now, there’s a drop leaf, gate legged table that I’ve always liked, too.

Josh rented a truck and so most of it is full. My brother hasn’t put up a fight about anything that I’ve decided to take. Probably because he made off with a lot of my father’s sports memorabilia that was in his office, and I’m sure things he found in there that I didn’t know about...kinda like I did with the jewelry.

Josh doesn’t know this, but I also made off with my mom’s wedding dress. Again, it was a decision that I was faced with at the time. I always pictured myself wearing it. It’s a beautiful, simple, A-line design and not some froofy thing. The design is timeless and I always imagined myself wearing it. But that I’ll keep at my place. I think having both a wedding dress and nursery furniture set looming down in his storage room just waiting to take over his life, might be a bit much for him. I think it might add a pressure there that I’ve had no intentions of doing myself.

I’ve waited this long for him, I think I can hold out until he’s absolutely ready.

Then again, he’s done a lot of surprising things lately. He has proven that he is more than capable of calling the shots and being in charge. It’s not that I’ve ever really thought he was inept, but he’s just always let me be the one to handle everything. I always just really thought he preferred it that way. With the day to day decisions he has to make, I suppose it’s nice not to wonder if your Visa bill is overdue.

But I guess that’s what makes us such a good team, he picks the ball right up when I drop it. Not that I dropped the ball, I guess he executes the play when I pass him the ball. I don’t know. I’m not the sports watcher, he is.

He arches a brow at me as a boxed painting makes it’s way by him and gets gently loaded on the truck.

“Donna...”

“I’m going to put it in my apartment.” I say quickly. Both eyebrows go up when the mirror from the dining room joins it. “It’s flat!”

He walks over to me and wraps his arms around me, pulling my hair off my shoulders. “I see a bigger place in our future.” He whispers before he kisses me.

My knees go weak and it’s a good thing that he’s holding onto me. I’ve always tried to imagine what Josh would be like with me were we ever to become romantically involved. It was never easy because I’ve only ever seen him with Mandy and Amy and they were always fighting. He’s never fought with me like he would fight with them. Oh sure, there’s verbal sparring all over the place, but the one thing Josh and I have always shared that I’ve never seen him share with a girlfriend is respect.

Even when he’s been infuriating, I’ve respected him. And he’s always respected me, too. It hasn’t always stopped him from sabotaging my personal plans to suit his convenience in some way, but he’s always been respectful of my feelings, and when he’s forgotten to be respectful of my feelings, which has happened, he always seems to make up for it in a big way.

“In Georgetown I’m sure.” I smirk and he shrugs. “If I go back to school, I’d never be able to afford half the rent on a place in Georgetown.” I’m probably not going to go back to school, but I’m taking his advice and taking my time in making the actual decision.

“Umm...did you not see the size of that trust?” he replies. “Yes, you will. And I wouldn’t care if you couldn’t. I make more than minimum wage.”

“And have substantial trusts yourself.”

“They’re my mother’s.”

“Uh-huh.” I drop the subject because Josh is always uncomfortable with how much money is being held in trust for him. I know what he makes as DCoS; that ain’t no skimpy government salary like some of us, and I can only imagine what he’d reel in in the private sector. I’m sure when that money finally gets into his hands, he will get rid of it quickly.

“You want to go in and check to make sure everything you want is on this truck?” He asks, nodding back towards the house. He doesn’t say the obvious follow up: that I won’t have another chance. That I can’t actually always come home anymore.

My eyes fill up with tears at that thought and I step back and nod.

“Donna?” he asks as I drop his hand and head back into the house.

“S’okay.” I whisper back and reenter the house.

It’s all packed up. Oliver took all the stuff he wanted yesterday and so anything that’s left after we leave is going on Ebay and the house is getting sold.

None of this is right. If I was ever to look at my parents’ house in this kind of state, I should have been standing here with them telling me how excited they were about moving to Florida or North Carolina or wherever they wanted to retire to.

The cats come tearing over to me as if to remind me that they’re coming with me. They rub along my ankles begging me not to forget them in this mess.

They won’t be this accommodating when I try to put them in their carriers. I’m sure Shadrak will bite me in the process, which will enable Josh to say ‘I told you so.’

The screen door slams shut and Josh keeps his distance, remaining by the door and giving me this last little bit of time to say goodbye. Goodbye to my parents and to officially say goodbye to my childhood. As long as my parents were alive, I had a place to go when my world went pear-shaped. If that happened now... I don’t know, running to Oliver just doesn’t seem the same.

I wander slowly through the rooms alone. I wish I could take it all, but I need to let it go. When I finally return to the front door, Josh is still standing there waiting, just like he promised me he would be.

I launch myself at him and he catches me to his chest effortlessly. The tears I shed now aren’t of grief, but they’re cleansing. With each tear, I let go a little more of the life I had here and it makes room for the growing excitement of my future with Josh.

“C’mon.” he says quietly, against my ear. “Let’s go home.”

TBC


	10. What She Needs

I round the corner into the Operations bullpen and see Josh’s office light on and the door open. It’s a quiet Saturday. I heard that he was here today and so I came over...I really don’t know why I came over here. Morbid curiosity, I guess; looking to inflict more pain on myself, I suppose.

The scene that played out before me that night in his office is seared into my brain. Would he have shown such compassion and concern if I was in Donna’s shoes? I mean, I know he would have to a certain extent; he’s quite obviously not an unfeeling guy, but he immediately made himself emotionally available for her, something he’s never done for me.

As I approach his office door, he comes flying out of it and heads right to Donna’s desk. Her computer’s off, but he puts a stack of files on the corner of it and turns around.

“Oh, hey.” he greets me, moving back to his office. I follow him and hover just inside by the door.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

“When did you get back?”

“Last night.” he says shifting through a pile of stuff on his desk and tossing random files onto a chair.

“Donna in, too?” I try to sound casual about it and he glances over at me.

“No. We brought a ton of stuff back from Wisconsin and she’s sorting through it all. She’ll be back on Monday. Something you need?”

“No. I just heard you were back, so I came by to see how things went.” I say lamely. You know, Josh and I are only compatible in theory. So why is it I keep coming back to this man? We fight all the time. Everything between us was always so competitive. True, he’s good in bed. Okay...he’s very good in bed. But relationships between us are a disaster.

“How they went?”

“In Wisconsin.”

“Um...well, I guess they went as you’d expect them to. It was pretty emotional for Donna.” That loud racket you hear right there? That’s the wall going up around him right now.

“It’s good that you got to be there for her.” I choke out. He arches an eyebrow at me.

“I guess.” He says. “I mean, I think she deserves at least that much from me.” Was I ever not someone he spun his answers to? Yes, I was. And then I chose my job over my boyfriend.

I nod my head lamely. Someone please tell me why I can’t just come out and ask him if they got together?

“So, Donna’s just coming right back to work? She’s not going to take any more time off?”

“No. She wants to get back to work.” He drops another file on the chair and then leans up against his desk and crosses his arms across his chest. This is a hot look for him, especially since it’s a Saturday so he’s wearing faded jeans and a black polo shirt.

“Well, that’s probably good.” I nod.

He smirks at me and scratches his chin. “Amy, what are you looking for?”

“What do you mean?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how you were. You’ve been gone for two weeks. I came to see how things went.”

He studies me and if I was unseasoned, I’d squirm, but I’ve been in this game long enough.

“You came to see if Donna and I got together in Wisconsin.” he smiles at me.

“I did not!” I immediately deny. Except yes, that’s exactly what I was doing.

“Yes, you did.” He laughs. He pushes himself off the desk and drops his hands to his hips. “It makes you crazy that I could be interested in someone else.”

“Oh please, you’ve always been interested in ‘someone else’.” Okay, well, I never intended the conversation to go there.

“Don’t try and do that. I never cheated on you. I never did anything remotely in the vicinity of that. And you and I weren’t together two weeks ago. You and I have been over for a year now. Who I date is no business of yours.”

“So you’re saying you two did get together out there.” I say.

He doesn’t answer the question, but walks back behind his desk and I take a few steps further into the room. “Speaking as someone who works in this building and is also your friend, you know what kind of heat you’re going to get for that, right?”

“Please!” he laughs. “I can handle myself and I can handle anything they say about her. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“You’re her boss.”

“Leo’s her boss. I’m her supervisor.”

“It’s the same thing.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is to the Christian Right who’s going to skewer her.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s where the women’s coalition will come in.”

“Why on Earth would I want to get involved in that? Why would the First Lady?”

“Because Donna’s good at her job and you know it. Because the First Lady adores Donna and she doesn’t care who knows it.”

I pause and the pieces click into place. “You’re actually looking for a fight on this.”

His eyes snap back up to mine. “I am absolutely not.”

“Yes, you are.” I nod.

“I don’t want anyone saying anything nasty about her. I don’t want her followed around by reporters looking for a scandal.” He insists.

“I’m sure you don’t. But you’ve got it all planned out in your head for when they do. Part of you wants to stand up and defend her against all those rumors that have been going around about you two for years now. And you want the fight because of the Vice President. Oh my God, you really are a genius.” I shake my head at him. I don’t know how it is that I can still be amazed by him, but I am.

“It would be irresponsible of me to get involved in a relationship with her and not have thought about all that.” He says. “And it would be letting her down and that’s not something that’s ever been tolerable for me.”

And in this moment right here, I see why it was never going to work for us. It’s because he’s always been in love with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay. What Amy said yesterday is bugging the hell out of me. Yes, I have thought through what the Deputy Chief of Staff dating his assistant means in the image department. Of course I have. I’ve only been thinking about it for five years now. Five years is a long time to mull something over in your brain!

And I’m not looking for a fight. I’m not.

Okay, maybe I am, but not in the sense she’s talking about. I’m only looking for the fight for those who are going to pick one anyway. People have been saying nasty things about her and me for years and yes, I’ve been dying to fire back at them. But I’m a seasoned professional political operative and the Deputy Chief of Staff, which means I know that once you open your mouth to respond to a rumor we’re off to the races.

I don’t know if Donna’s ever actually heard what people have said about us. I’d be surprised if she didn’t. The first time someone said to her ‘I thought you were dating your boss’ must have been rather jolting. It was for me. And I have corrected anyone who’s been unfortunate enough to ask me that personally, but they of course had heard it from someone who I couldn’t correct.

“Hi, Josh.”

“Hi, Katie.” Katie Witt falls into step with me in the bullpen. “What are you doing back here? There are signs that say you can’t be here.”

“Nobody cares; nobody’s here.” She says gesturing to the near empty bullpen. “Hey, nobody cares that I’m back here, right?”

There’s a small chorus of no’s from what staff is here on a Sunday and I glare at them all. Danny does that stuff, too. If Toby finds her back here, he’s going to light her on fire.

“I was really sorry to hear about Donna’s parents.” Katie says following me through the corridor towards Communications...where she belongs.

“Thanks. I’ll tell her that.” I reply.

“When are you two making an announcement?”

“We’re not.”

“So, it’s true?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?” she counters.

“You’re asking me if I’m dating Donna.”

“Yes.”

“The answer to that is yes.”

“What are you going to say to the people who say you preyed upon her vulnerability and took advantage of her?”

“That they’re right.” I nod and Katie follows me through the communications bullpen. “I waited five years for the perfect opportunity to take advantage of her. It came when she was hysterical in my office over her parents’ deaths.”

“Are you going to take this seriously?” she huffs.

“No!” I laugh in return. “Do you want to know why?”

“I would LOVE to hear this.” she says crossing her arms and giving me her challenging glare, which is actually quite scary.

“I’m not married; she’s not married. Where’s your issue?”

“You’re her BOSS.”

“Well, that just brings her crappy taste in employers into question, but it’s hardly illegal.” I quip. “And I’m not her boss, Leo is.”

“Can I ask her about it?”

“You absolutely may not.” I say stopping right outside the press room door, which is advantageous to me as there are several reporters there who wander over. “The first person who approaches her about this gets their credentials pulled. Call me whatever you want, but she just buried her parents. Cut her some slack.”

“Josh.” Comes CJ’s stern voice from behind me. I turn around and there’s no mistaking her ‘get the hell away from my press room’ face. “Shoo.”

I do as I’m told without further comment and head back to the bullpen, as I walk away, CJ tears into Katie Witt for being back in operations unauthorized.

TBC


	11. What She Needs

“Joshua.” CJ says storming into my office.

“Yes, Claudia Jean.” I drop my pen onto my desk and lean back into my chair.

“You told Katie Witt you and Donna are dating?”

“I told, like, half the press corps me and Donna are dating.”

“Why?”

“Because me and Donna are dating.” I shrug simply.

“JOSH!”

“CJ!”

“You’re going to take out an ad?!”

“No. She asked.” I reply.

“How do they know these things already?” CJ groans and drops down into a chair with her face in her hand. What? Is it her first day?

“CJ, I flew to Wisconsin with her for two weeks. You don’t think that was a pretty big tip off?”

“I was spinning that!”

“There’s no way to spin it.” I laugh. “It is what it is. I’m not hiding. They want a piece of me, they’re more than welcome to take their shots, but I meant what I said. If one of them comes within ten feet of her, I don’t care who it is, I will come after them with the heat of a supernova.”

She arches an eyebrow at me. “We have to be careful about this, Josh. The Vice President resigned in a sex scandal.”

“This isn’t a sex scandal. This is two people doing something that is in no way illegal, or against any kind of White House policy.”

“It’s not?”

“Not against policy or not against the law?” I smirk.

“I know it’s not against the law!” She barks. I swear, I love getting CJ going. She just...you know... goes.

“I have yet to find a White House policy that forbids supervisors from dating someone on their staff.” I confess.

“You’ve looked into it?”

“No, CJ. I just blindly got into a relationship with my assistant without a single thought to how it would look to the world or the ramifications it might have. I just took the woman I’ve been in love with for years and threw her out there to the wolves without a whip and a chair.” I roll my eyes here for good measure.

“Well, that wouldn’t be, like, totally unlike you, Josh.”

“It would be where Donna’s concerned.”

“Okay, that’s a fair point.”

“It’s not like people haven’t written crap about me before.” I reply. “So, tell the truth and do your job. I’m the person appointed by the President, I’ll talk to whoever wants to talk to me, but Donna is not a public face of this administration and I will skewer them for invading her privacy, harassment, and anything else I can make stick to the wall.”

“You’re kinda cute when you’re being righteous.” she smiles at me.

“Back off, I’m taken.”

“Apparently.”

“Go...I don’t know...take it all out on Danny.” It’s my turn to shoo her away. She smiles at me, rises out of her chair and leaves my office.

I smile and glance over at the clock. One o’clock in the afternoon. I’m thinking I can call it a day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a hunch, I head to my place instead of Donna’s. She was at her place all day yesterday and came over last night. Then she went back to her place when I left for work in the morning, but she said she’d be back to make sure I fed the cats. So far, they’ve been pretty easy. Michek has been under the bed and Shadrak hasn’t come out of the window. I’m okay with them only moving around when I’m not home.

When I swing through the door, I immediately still my movements. She’s asleep on the couch. I close the door quietly and sit down in the chair facing the couch. She’s pretty exhausted right now. All the emotion of the past two weeks pretty much sucked the life right out of her, but she looks like she’s doing better. She’s not pale and she’s eating more and she’s resting, so she doesn’t have that zombie look anymore.

And this is now the heartbreaking part because she’s started to accept life without her parents. I want to beat the driver of that other car to a bloody pulp every time I think about it because not only did he rob her of her parents, but he robbed her of naivete she had in the way she looked at the world. He robbed her of her safe haven. And he took away some of that innocence she had that I just adored about her.

I don’t know how long she’s been sleeping, but she stirs a bit and opens her eyes. She sees me and gives me a dreamy look, so I leave my chair and crawl across the floor to her.

“What time is it?” she asks in her sexy just woke up voice.

“1:30.”

“In the afternoon?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What are you doing home so soon? Did you get fired?”

“Not yet.” I chuckle.

“Oh no.” she groans. “What did you do?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“When I fell asleep, I had cats by me. What did you do?”

“Nothing! They weren’t by you when I came in. And it’s a good thing too, Donna, because Shadrak fucking scratched me this morning. Look.” I jut my hand out to her and she leans over and places an open mouthed kiss on my virtually non-existent scratch.

Okay, maybe that cat’s not so bad.

She flips my hand over and kisses my wrist and then my palm. She works her way up the inside of my arm and it tickles a bit, but I don’t have time to laugh because she quickly gets to my neck, which she peppers with hot open mouthed kisses, before pulling an earlobe into her mouth as she sits up. She wraps her legs around my waist and traps me against her before pulling my shirt over her head.

Do you see where this is going? I’m getting ravaged, people. I should tell her what I said today. I think that will turn this experience to just this side of insane.

She’s got a little mental map that she follows around my chest. It’s got some tourist spots on it after all. Everywhere her lips touch feels good. She pulls her own shirt over her head next, and I immediately remove her bra. She’s got a couple of attractions for me here, too.

I push her back down onto the couch and she adjusts herself beneath me. Her bare chest rubs up against mine and I close my eyes against the feel of it. She’s soft everywhere and my hands are addicted to gliding over her skin. She squirms beneath me as we relieve each other of our pants and gently scratches her fingers through my hair while devouring my mouth with hers.

I’m still in awe of finally touching her like this and being touched by her like this. It’s different with Donna, like I hoped it would be. Different parts of my body come alive for her, like she alone held the key to unlock them. Being in love makes the difference I’m sure, but it’s like she responds to me more than any other woman has, at least that I’ve noticed. I’m not blinded by lust like I thought I’d be, I can see all of her with crystal clarity and I’m surprised that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m vaguely aware of our increased breathing and her groan as I join myself to her that sounds like it came right from her toes. I smile at the tears that spring into her eyes as her orgasm builds and she shouts my name with the force of it. I can watch her like this forever with her glow and her smile, the way she blushes over how uninhibited she gets. I know the feeling.

I pull the blanket down over us and she nips at my chest. “We should take long lunch hours.” she says and curls into me.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Are you going to be a pushover now?” she smiles wickedly.

“I am if you’re asking for something immediately after incredibly awesome sex.” I reply bluntly and she blushes again and I kiss the tip of her nose in response.

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday and I’m going to take a nap now, something I haven’t done since I was recovering from a gun shot wound and bypass surgery. But this woman in my arms makes me hope we can spend every Sunday like this.

TBC


	12. What She Needs

I hand Carol a file and she zooms off to bring it to Toby. Just as I’m about to turn back into my office, Josh and Donna catch my eye.

He’s leaning up against the doorframe of her cubicle as he’s prone to do when he’s bored and looking for her to provide some form of entertainment. She’s moving about her cubicle. She reaches down and groans as she lifts his backpack up off the floor and plops it in her chair.

“Joshua, do you have a cinder block in here?” she demands.

“I would have picked it up for you, Donna.”

“I didn’t realize it was going to be that heavy.”

“My laptop’s in there, along with the file for 455 and the briefing memo on the highways bill.”

“Why is it all in here?”

“I’m taking it home with me this weekend.”

“Why?”

“So, I don’t have to come in unless something explodes.”

“Really?” she smiles.

“Yeah.”

She looks like she could kiss him right now and he smiles at her. They’ve been pretty good about not being any more affectionate with each other at work than they were before they became involved, which even then raised some eyebrows, not that it’s a big secret. But they stay professional...or as professional as they’ve always been...you know, they really broke the mold with Josh and Donna. I can’t even describe them.

He smiles back with a lovesick expression that I completely misinterpreted before, but it’s so obvious now. “Where did you disappear to before with the President?” He asks changing the subject.

“Why? Jealous?” she teases.

“He came and absconded with you in the middle of a work day. He said, ‘Donna, come with me; shut about it, Josh’. You don’t think I’m going to be curious?”

“He took me to the Solarium.” she smiles.

No shit! The Solarium? Josh has the same reaction.

“No way!” he exclaims and she smiles and nods. “I’ve never been up there. In fact, I don’t think any of the others have ever been up there either.”

He’s right. None of us has ever seen it. I’m not even a hundred percent sure Leo’s seen it either. It’s like the First Family’s complete and total refuge from all things The White House. The fact that the President brought Donna up there....damn, that’s some job security right there.

“What’s it look like?” Thank God for Josh’s insatiable curiosity. They’re a perfect match in that respect.

“Well, it’s not as big as the other rooms that I’ve seen up there. It’s really light. It’s practically all windows and it’s got big comfy couches and plants. It’s a lot of sage greens and beiges. It’s just so tranquil, Josh.”

“What did he say?”

Donna shrugs and continues to pull things out of Josh’s backpack, I’m assuming things that aren’t the three things he just specifically mentioned because he’s not stopping her. “He just said that after Rosslyn, he found a lot of peace there. He often goes there to reflect and think about stuff. It’s so far away from everything and so quiet and private that he knows he can be there and not be bothered by anyone that’s not his family.”

Josh is frowning now. “He didn’t take me up there after Rosslyn.”

“You, Joshua, didn’t want to do anything that anybody asked of you. It was all I could do just to get you to recover in the first place!”

Donna, I think, is the only person who in existence who can not only bring up Rosslyn to Josh but then give him a hard time about something related to it and not lose her pretty head.

“Still, I could have used the reflection. I had a lot to reflect about!”

“You had me.”

“And you have me now.”

“Fair point. I guess he just likes me better.”

“I guess.” he grumbles. I laugh at that, but they don’t seem to hear me. I’m not even trying to be stealthy or anything, they’re just in their own little Josh and Donna world, as per usual.

She laughs off his disgruntlement and turns away. She doesn’t see it, but his frown fades and he smirks a bit at her. One thing I’ve always noticed about him is he just LOVES sparring with her. Nothing is more entertaining to him than bugging Donna about something, anything he can think of. She makes him bounce. I’ve never seen him bounce around any other woman, including the most recent Amy Gardner.

Have I ever made a man bounce? I don’t think so. I can’t even remember the last time I wanted to make a man bounce.

“Oh Josh...” she breathes out as she pulls something out of one of the front pockets of his backpack.

“Don’t freak out over it, I found it on the floor.” He tries to sound stern, but that goofy little grin is still hanging around.

“But you remembered and you saved it! Where was it?” She’s crying now. I see something dangling from her hand, and it’s... Dear Lord, is that a macaroni necklace? I made one for my mom, it was purple. I wonder what she ever did with it?

“I found it after the movers moved your mom’s dresser. It must have fallen under there at some point. I just put it in my backpack; I probably should have found the jewelry box.” he says. “Donna, stop crying. We’re in the middle of the bullpen.”

He’s so funny sometimes. I know when Donna gets all gushy, he comes across as uncomfortable and maybe a little even upset about it, but he always handles it well. Maybe he doesn’t really have confidence in himself when it comes to dealing with her. That’s so sweet!

She walks over to him and he rolls his eyes dramatically as she throws her arms around his neck. He immediately contradicts his words when he hugs her closely, kisses her temple and then lets her go.

Yeah, he’s not so tough.

I used to think her crush on him was one sided. I used to think he was entertained by her enough and he certainly cared about her, but his feelings didn’t go as deep as hers. I actually thought upon occasion that he was bad for her; that she could be co-dependent and lose who she was in her desire to please him and he let her, when really all along he’s just what she needs.

THE END


End file.
